So, we've all had a chance to look at the squad. We've had time to react and second think. To come to rational decisions on what we think about it. Rational. Cool. Calm.
... ok, I can't do this.
Chris Ashton's presence in the squad is borderline inexplicable and totally enraging. Over the past four years, Ashton has pushed the boundaries of complete pointlessness to levels undreamed of even by Match of the Day pundits. His most memorable moments have come in conceding opposition tries rather than scoring them himself. He's not shown one outstanding trait at international level in that time. He's been utter dogshit. And he's the only England player in that time I've ever had reason to wonder if they're actually a bit yellow.
I've joked with people that if I'd been interviewing candidates to be England's head coach, there's a few players where if they'd expressed an interest in selecting them, I'd have terminated the interview there and then. I never used Ashton's name in this because I never dreamt anyone would look at the last four years and think recalling him was anything other than stark raving insanity.
Sure, in Johnson's day, Ashton looked pretty good. It would be a cool trick to get that player back. Having George Ford imitate Toby Flood on his good days would be the obvious answer to that. But he's not the only winger in the country who can track the ball. And most of them have a lot of other useful attributes that Ashton lacks. Such as not being so fucking deluded they didn't think they got a fair shake under Lancaster. Or power and agility. Or not being the worst England player of the last four years by a staggering margin in a team that won sweet fuck all.
Now, Eddie Jones is entitled to think he can get more out of players than Lancaster; nay, more than entitled. It's his job. It's why he's been hired. And maybe he'll do so here. But I'll straight up hope that he doesn't and the other 14 players rescue us. Because fuck Ashton.
*deep breath* Ok, that's better.
Jones' first squad has a lot to be said for it. He's got a decent core of good internationals which means we won't be facing an unnecessary uphill struggle in his first Six Nations. He's also got a decent number of shit hot young players who could enliven a team that was falling short of glory and, in time, maybe give us the return to 2003 we all yearn for. Small details aside, it's what most of us hoped for.
Up front, we've gone for 9 front rowers. Dave Wilson is out; Paul Hill is in. Hill probably won't play at all, on account of being only 20, but his showings for Northampton this season suggests he'd do as good a job as many if injuries did force him in. He's there to be moulded and nurtured though, with the intention of turning him into the greatest tighthead of his generation. Henry Thomas has been named as injury replacement for Kieran Brookes, a further nail in the coffin of Wilson's England career. Thomas is still a little callow, but a far better scrummager now than he was when last called up and just as mobile. On the loosehead side, Matt Mullan's come in to compete with Marler.
Two changes have been made at hooker with Webber and Youngs making way for Hartley and Luke Cowan-Dickie. Enough words have been wasted on the internet about Hartley; he will never belong with the greats but, when not suspended, will rarely be exposed at test level. I hope Mike Haywood finishes the job of deposing him at Saints and goes on to do it for England, but until that time, Hartley will do a job. Luke Cowan-Dickie will not do a job but will do lots and lots of throwing practice as he bids to become more than Tom Youngs Mk 2. Speaking of English Rugby's favourite hobbit, there's a media report going around that Youngs was told to work on his carrying and tackle count. Someone has a sense of humour there.
Maro Itoje continues his climb towards the big time with inclusion at Geoff Parling's expense; I like Parling, but wouldn't dream of complaining here. The back row has a number of changes with Jack Clifford, Dave Ewers and Josh Beaumont being named in the squad. Ewers has been grafting away for this opportunity for a long time; it's a shame he's injured when it comes around but the opportunity that gives to Matt Kvesic to impress is a good thing. Clifford and Beaumont offer a pair of fast, intelligent, powerful ball carriers, the like of which we've seen only rarely in recent times for England.
Only four half-backs have been included, two of each, nailing Jones' colours to the mast early - particularly when Owen Farrell is also the senior fit 12 (sweet jesus). Joe Simpson and Danny Cipriani will both consider themselves quite unlucky and while if injury strikes both will be ready, neither will be as ready as they would be if they'd been in camp. Personally, Simpson's probably better than Care these days (being a better kicker clinches it), while Cipriani is England's best fly-half until handed the kicking tee, an objection rendered moot by the likely presence of Farrell at 12.
The 12s in the squad currently are Sam Hill and Ollie Devoto, currently deputising for the barely-fit Tuilagi and not-at-all fit Slade respectively. It's a bold move, but there's at worst a silver lining to the inclusion of the two best young English inside-centres of the moment. The presence of Tuilagi when properly fit will be a huge boost mid-Six Nations mind. At 13, there's a pretty epic fight developing between Joseph and new boy Elliot Daly, both of whom have very much the same strengths and weaknesses.
The wing selection is slightly puzzling. For one thing, the injured Jonny May has been jettisoned entirely for Marland Yarde, rather than using a free change; odd call there. Then there's the presence of He Who Shall Give Me A Fucking Aneurysm. Then there's the non-presence of Semesa Rokoduguni, the most physical of English wings and playing really well in Bath's not so great season so far. If there's one player the internet seems convinced has been hard done by, its Rokoduguni. And there's no change at full-back, which is slightly disappointing to a non-fan of Alex Goode, but good things come to those who wait.
So what will this mean for the team on the pitch? The media have had a lot of things to say, but it's worth noting that a) they weren't right about the squad and b) Jones has a bit of a history for playing media games. So, a pinch of salt is needed. No new caps at all at Murrayfield? Great news for Matt Kvesic, as he's definitely going to play if true, and picking number 22 will be interesting. So, yeah, maybe not. Haskell at 7? Maybe. Maybe not.
Truth is, it's pretty hard to be at this point. Eddie Jones enjoys being a little inscrutable. We know he'll want accuracy at the basics, physical intensity, and the ability to do something a bit special, but beyond that, who can say?
Dan Cole pretty much has to start at tighthead with Brooks injured. The Vunipolas are probably favourites to start in their respective positions. Ford and Farrell seems writ into stone. A man who wants intensity probably wants Mike Brown. I hate to say it, but Ashton is probably there for a reason and Anthony Watson's been the best back three player going this season out of those named. Does Hartley start ahead of Jamie George if he's not starting for his club? Hard to say.
It should be pointed out that, at this time, Eddie Jones hasn't coached any of these guys. He hasn't met any of them bar Robshaw (reportedly). He hasn't really watched much of them bar the internationals. Jones says he asked George Smith for his opinion on picking opensides; possibly slight kidology, but probably just reflecting that he's having to learn fast here. So, picking mostly Lancaster's team, which he's seen before, would make sense. But that is not necessarily the direction of travel. In a weird way, right now it's like Eddie Jones hasn't actually started the job, but is acting as a caretaker ahead of taking on the job for real in the summer; a limited number of changes aimed at just getting results while he gets the knowledge needed to really crack on.
The England team will probably be quite similar to that seen under Lancaster on paper at least. It might be fairly similar on the pitch too. That would be slightly disappointing. But Jones is already preparing for the future beyond that. And he might just throw in a curveball now - he's got enough of them around.
It's a time for guarded optimism, patience, and hoping Chris Ashton has a moment of clarity and runs away to Tibet to spend the rest of his life as a (hopefully happy) Buddhist monk. All in all though, the first squad looks good. I await the first performance eagerly.
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